Learning...

It is not a good day today.

I am so tired and my whole body aches. I'm more stressed than I have been for a long time, and since it’s been a while since I’ve really vented about anything, I feel it has been long enough.

Hence~~

Things that are wrong with my life right now…

Sleep:

I haven’t been getting any.

Averaging 5hrs a night is not enough. Not to mention that bouts of insomnia systematically attack me every weekend and my automatic 6:30am wake-up-body-clock makes it extremely difficult to catch up on any sleep.

I am tired, lethargic, have a constant migraine, overdosing on caffeine and utterly exhausted. I fall asleep when I’m on the toilet, and this morning I even fell asleep for a split second while driving…

Work:

I repeat.

I work like a dog and get paid like a C-grade hooker.

Sometimes D.

'Nuff said.

Money:

I actually started off the month with more money than I got paid for once (woohoo! thx froggie) but now it is slowly dwindling, no thanks to the abundance of PISCEANS (and Taurus) who insist on having their bdays all at the same time. Plus I am still LIVID at Angela for losing my makeup bag with everything in it which I now have to replace…

Doesn’t help that I’m desperately trying to save up for my holiday which my/may not happen now… *cries*

Body:

I finally managed to drag my fat ass to the gym twice this week, but I don’t really feel any different. Just more tired. Sigh. Highlight was making my mum go to BodyJam class with me and watching her chiming to oldskool HipHop in the likes of KrisKross and Warren G (love!)… hahaha it was hilarious.

The issue at hand here is – why am I such a whaaale? Er. When is anorexia gonna come back in cos its about fucking time…

And according to Jack, I look like I have a diseased foot cos the scars from that last time when I fell over when I was pissed have still not healed. Oh dear – does everyone know that I have haemophilia and am allergic to mosquito bites? I also like fainting from heat exhaustion and coughing up blood from unidentified lung illnesses. Of course I’m diseased…

Friends:

This is a very important rant. I hate friend sluts. Please stop doing this to me. You know who you are guys. It’s just not on. Stop doing it.

You cannot be both my friend, and friends with my bf’s ex-gf …
Neither can you be picking up my girlfriends on facebook and spraying all over their wall – wtf do you think I cant see it…?
Nor do you throw away a 10yr friendship by being BFF-gym-buddies with my ex-bf …
And wtf is 3-timing me on msn…??

You people know who you are. Men are such sluts. Thank god for my girlfriends.

Family:

Mum is in the 2nd phase of menopause and is such a psycho atm moment. I’m scared to look at her for fear of her saying “What, you wanna take me? Let go outside”…

And my sister is a total rebel right now and always fighting with my mum. Her stupid muso friends are all artistic looneys. I’m worried that she’ll turn into one of those “I take drugs to escape into my music” kids soon. Its all way beyond me right now.

All I can do is pick up the gunk that’s been thrown around the house that results from their arguments, and occasionally give Emily’s violin a hug as she rips at it so vigorously when she’s pissed off, I’m afraid that the strings will fall off…


Finally…. dickheads need to stop bugging me. I’m taken mofos. I cant juggle my life like this! I need peace, serenity, sleep and rhythm.

Xtine reckons if I just get married all of this will go away, and I will be too busy working on my marriage to care about anything else…

Ahahahahaha…

What is marriage without love? What is money without happiness? What is work without drive? What is distance without faith? What is beauty without heart?

What is music without soul?



AS I MATURE…

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter what I do, some people are just mingers.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others... they might be better traders but you are a better person.

I've learned that there is a difference between friends that are sluts and sluts that wanna be your friend.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are clients of a PR agency.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away…

I'm still learning...