Thank ye German Sausage

... @ Bavarian Beir Cafe last night

And thanks Jack for making me eat all of it right before I went to bed - plus the beer, the pork schnitzel, pork knuckle, mashed potato, sauerkraut, huge pretzel…

OMG I had to jump 3x more than usual to get into my jeans this morning…

Dickhead I think you need a new food buddy cos as of today – “UH, excuuuuse me? I don’t eat. What’s food? Thx”


IT’S A LEAP DAY TODAY!

Did you know that it’s an ancient tradition that spans hundreds of years that on a leap day, a woman has to right to propose to a man…? Weird, but heaps of ppl do it.

How naff is that? It’s almost as derro as getting a proposal on Valentines Day. Why do shit just cos it’s a tradition and other ppl are doing it?

SAD

Look at Pink, she proposed to her husband and see what happened there…? Oh Ewwww… girls proposing = BUTCH! Pass me the bucket please…


Moving on.

A couple of things I wish to say:

Why does everyone think Pete Wentz is ugly? I find him strangely attractive in a quirky kinda way...

Hayden Panettiere for Candie's. What a Paris wannabe... but shes forgiven cos she so damn cute!

The Jimmy Choo face bag. Have you ever seen a more ridiculous piece of designer rubbish?

Pure trash:

Some images im loving atm...

Mads just gets better and better...

Oh how I love thee Chanel - especially when you're draped over a philanthropic goddess like Angelina...

FROGGIE: 4+4 OK?

And just loving this image from The Sartorialist, the greatest site in the world for abstract & global street fashion:

Shout outs:

To my colleague Richard in Beijing – Congratulations on the engagement! Russian girls are feisty but a good vegan boy needs some of that hardcore protein… :p

Ange – I’m not mad at you anymore. Thanks for the Kinder Buenos.

Xtine – Huns I miss you already and I know you cant read this but come back soon! And btw I have a really awful confession to make – I bought a high-waisted skirt from Rodeo Show *hides*. IM SO SORRY the boycott is still on but I couldn’t resist and if its any damn excuse – I look really hot in it.

Khung – Happy 7th Bday! Its not easy being born on a leap day is it hehe

Jack – I’m getting you the damn cufflinks. Now I want a strand of Mikimoto pearls for my bday. Start saving dickhead.

YO PEEPS its Mardigras tomorrow! Gutted that I’m not allowed on the float cos im not a BOY but happy that the weather is picking up!

BTW cant wait to step into Beijing's new international terminal:

Now THATS revenge!

This is the most hilarious thing to hit Hollywood post-Oscars EVER!!

Here’s the story.

Not sure if anyone knows, but Sarah Silverman, the trash-mouth US comedian who everyone loves to hate, brought out this clip dedicated to her boyfriend where she sings (along with Matt Damon) a song she wrote called “I’m Fucking Matt Damon”.

It’s really amusing so if you haven’t seen it check it out here:





Anyway, her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel who is also a comedian (think: Jack Black - not quite as quirky, but close) has sought out the ULTIMATE REVENGE with this clip that he aired on his show last night.

It’s called – wait for it – “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck”.

OMG this is a comedic work of art. He went full out and got major stars like Cameron Diaz, the boys from Good Charlotte, Harrison Ford, Robin Williams, Huey Lewis, Rebecca Romijn, Macy Gray, Pete Wentz, Dominic Monaghan, Josh Groban, Christina Applegate, Meat Loaf, Perry Farrell, Lance Bass, Joan Jett , Ashlee Simpson, Don Cheadle, the McLovin’ dude from Superbad… and even Brad Pitt as the Fed Ex guy.

I LOVE IT !





Has this made your morning or what? Haha…


Btw – I am looking gooood today.

I know that cos WOMEN were checking me out this morning.

Woohoo! The Ultimate compliment.

Thanks jealous bitches!

Learning...

It is not a good day today.

I am so tired and my whole body aches. I'm more stressed than I have been for a long time, and since it’s been a while since I’ve really vented about anything, I feel it has been long enough.

Hence~~

Things that are wrong with my life right now…

Sleep:

I haven’t been getting any.

Averaging 5hrs a night is not enough. Not to mention that bouts of insomnia systematically attack me every weekend and my automatic 6:30am wake-up-body-clock makes it extremely difficult to catch up on any sleep.

I am tired, lethargic, have a constant migraine, overdosing on caffeine and utterly exhausted. I fall asleep when I’m on the toilet, and this morning I even fell asleep for a split second while driving…

Work:

I repeat.

I work like a dog and get paid like a C-grade hooker.

Sometimes D.

'Nuff said.

Money:

I actually started off the month with more money than I got paid for once (woohoo! thx froggie) but now it is slowly dwindling, no thanks to the abundance of PISCEANS (and Taurus) who insist on having their bdays all at the same time. Plus I am still LIVID at Angela for losing my makeup bag with everything in it which I now have to replace…

Doesn’t help that I’m desperately trying to save up for my holiday which my/may not happen now… *cries*

Body:

I finally managed to drag my fat ass to the gym twice this week, but I don’t really feel any different. Just more tired. Sigh. Highlight was making my mum go to BodyJam class with me and watching her chiming to oldskool HipHop in the likes of KrisKross and Warren G (love!)… hahaha it was hilarious.

The issue at hand here is – why am I such a whaaale? Er. When is anorexia gonna come back in cos its about fucking time…

And according to Jack, I look like I have a diseased foot cos the scars from that last time when I fell over when I was pissed have still not healed. Oh dear – does everyone know that I have haemophilia and am allergic to mosquito bites? I also like fainting from heat exhaustion and coughing up blood from unidentified lung illnesses. Of course I’m diseased…

Friends:

This is a very important rant. I hate friend sluts. Please stop doing this to me. You know who you are guys. It’s just not on. Stop doing it.

You cannot be both my friend, and friends with my bf’s ex-gf …
Neither can you be picking up my girlfriends on facebook and spraying all over their wall – wtf do you think I cant see it…?
Nor do you throw away a 10yr friendship by being BFF-gym-buddies with my ex-bf …
And wtf is 3-timing me on msn…??

You people know who you are. Men are such sluts. Thank god for my girlfriends.

Family:

Mum is in the 2nd phase of menopause and is such a psycho atm moment. I’m scared to look at her for fear of her saying “What, you wanna take me? Let go outside”…

And my sister is a total rebel right now and always fighting with my mum. Her stupid muso friends are all artistic looneys. I’m worried that she’ll turn into one of those “I take drugs to escape into my music” kids soon. Its all way beyond me right now.

All I can do is pick up the gunk that’s been thrown around the house that results from their arguments, and occasionally give Emily’s violin a hug as she rips at it so vigorously when she’s pissed off, I’m afraid that the strings will fall off…


Finally…. dickheads need to stop bugging me. I’m taken mofos. I cant juggle my life like this! I need peace, serenity, sleep and rhythm.

Xtine reckons if I just get married all of this will go away, and I will be too busy working on my marriage to care about anything else…

Ahahahahaha…

What is marriage without love? What is money without happiness? What is work without drive? What is distance without faith? What is beauty without heart?

What is music without soul?



AS I MATURE…

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter what I do, some people are just mingers.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others... they might be better traders but you are a better person.

I've learned that there is a difference between friends that are sluts and sluts that wanna be your friend.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are clients of a PR agency.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away…

I'm still learning...

Gracie's Best and Worst Dressed

Last night's Oscars were the least watched broadcast ever.

Only 32 million viewers int the US.

Hell, even I missed it..! I was too busy on the phone having ring-gasms...

*moan*

Anyway, missing out on the Oscars is one thing, but missing out on the gowns...?

Hell to the NO!

What follows is Gracie's list of the Best, Mediocre and Worst dressed on the red carpet.

Enjoy!

First prize has to go to Heidi Klum in this John Galliano number. WOW! Can he place a foot wrong - ever..?? I must say, even though neither Heidi nor her hubby Seal are movie stars let alone Oscar nominees - for respect of the gown, I will not call them chimers in this instance.

I shut my mouth. All hail Galliano, the greatest magician in the world:



Runner-up is Ms Diaz in Christian Dior - like cuuuuute! And in case you're a fashion nube, FYI Galliano also designs for Dior.

What more can I say, oh great one:








And finally in Third Place is Katherine Heigl in Escada.



Wow, what a movie star! And love it how she's not stick thin... she should give up on the ciggies though - not very good for that red-carpet skin:

Next!

My very-nice-but-not-outstanding list consists of...

Jennifer Garner in this Oscar de la Renta dress.

Just beautiful, and you know how much I love Oscar, especially when he's coupled with 61 carats of Van Cleef & Arpels diamonds:

French Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard's Jean Paul Gaultier fish scale gown is lovely but makes her butt a little too JLo:




John Travolta's wife Kelly Preston aka. Meg Ryan wannabe was very "Michelle Williams @ the 2007 Oscars" in this Roberto Cavalli marigold number.

That Michelle Williams dress was my favourite last year, but I just hate the fact that Travolta's slime-hair totally ruins all the pics. At least Seal stayed well and truly faaaaar away from Heidi Klum for her to get some shots on her own...

Clooney's new gf Sarah Larson in Valentino. Not bad, except this girl has absolutely NO PERSONALITY.

*yawn*

Hey, I'm just loving Keri Russell atm cos of August Rush. This Nina Ricci dress is not bad either...



Renee Zellweger in Carolina Herrera.

The dress is great but she needs to stop looking like such a sourpuss and sucking her cheeks in all the time. U-G-L-Y...




Hilary Swank in Versace.

Would be gorgeous if she didnt look like such a man-dog. What a terrible shame about that face...



OK i hate this one. I've never liked little rat-faced Calista Flockhart and somehow I dont think wearing a kiddy dress from Rare Vintage really cuts it for the Oscars.

Oh no what happened Nichole?? You have totally ruined Balenciaga's image, and WHAT is that redic dangly thing hanging from your neck...? It doesnt distract from your barely-even-there-baby-bump, and just makes you look damn frumpy.

How very disappointing...

UGH! Amy Adams - what is this terrible terrible emerald number from Proenza Schouler?

DO.. NOT...HEART



Could you get any more dowdier? Oh look! Its mumsy Ellen Page in vintage Jean Louis Scherrer! Who wears vintage to the Oscars?

Read: Vintage = Drab = NOT FAB

Preggars Jessica Alba in a strapless Marchesa dress - this does not do her justice. What was she thinking...? Lose the ostrich feathers plz...

Anne Hathaway also in Marchesa. She was actually on the best dressed list on the official Oscars poll, but I say uh-uh... Asymmetrical flowers is so Not Classy albiet a little - can I say it - plebby...?

Pregnant actresses going WRONG galore! Cate Blanchett is the last of them in a Dries van Noten fugly number that really needs a makeover... and what is wrong with that hair?? Being in your third trimester of pregnancy is no excuse hun.

EWW. What an odd-looking couple. I dont even wanna know...

But the love runs deep Johnny. You more than just a man in a funny suit to me...

And the winner of the worst dressed has got to be --- Diablo Cody in a leopard piece of Dior. I love it! Only Galliano can make it both at the Top and all the way Rock Bottom of the list.

Now that's skill.

But the woman seriously needs to DIE a slow and painful death for this:

I feel it most appropriate that I leave you all with the best Oscar acceptance speech ever.


Mr Cuba Gooding Jnr, 1997. Best Supporting Actor for Jerry Maguire:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnCMqr1QRQw


Just moves you to tears, doesn't it? What a happy little boy...

Never give up on your music...

**EDIT STOP PRESS**

Oscar results are out and I was soooo right (about most of them)

Best Animated Feature
Ratatouille

Best Visual Effects
The Golden Compass

Best Art Direction
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men - this was a surprise

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton - so was this

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Coen Brothers for No Country For Old Men - yes

Best Actress In A Leading Role
Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose - who is this? omg the latins are taking over hollywood...

Best Foreign Language Film
The Counterfeiters

Best Original Song
"Falling Slowly" from Once - how disappointing

Best Cinematography
Robert Elswit for There Will Be Blood

Best Original Score
Dario Marianelli for Atonement - well at least it won something...

Best Documentary Feature
Taxi To The Dark Side - Aussie director

Best Original Screenplay
Juno

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood - YES. Ode to the best actor in the world.

Best Director
Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men - knew it

Best Film
No Country for Old Men

Just watch, now all the cinemas who weren't showing the film will suddenly start putting out 10 sessions a day and all the dumb faggots who wouldn't normally be interested will all flock to see what all the fuss is about. Its the Coen brothers dickheads! It wont make any bloody sense, dont bother.

Just accept, dont understand, that the word Coen is synonymous with Oscar.

Goodnight and Goodbye.

**ends**

Previously:

A discussion was made about bloggers this morning on the radio. Apparently, we are all little turds who sit in our rooms hating on everybody. Our parents probably hit us, and an uncle fiddled with us.

Well.

Yes, I have frequently been described as a turd, my mum hit me heaps when I was little (and still does occasionally – hey shes menopausal), and an uncle did try to grope my boobs once – but he was on his last breath from a long fight with prostate cancer – so everyone told me to forgive him cos he was “dying”.

Pffft.

And is it just me or are the vehicles on the CityWest link getting stranger..? This morning I saw an old mofo driving a brand new red Ferrari with the number plate - The 1.

He was like a hundred years old, bald and disgusting-looking. Seriously. I understand that it took you your whole life to make enough money to buy that car, and you're probably going through a mid-life crises atm – your wife is fat, your kids hate you, you’re horny and in dire need of a blowjob. But please explain how that makes you THE ONE. Grow a penis you old fucker.

Next, I see a taxi christened with www.falundafa.com all over it, Falun Gong sticker crap plastered all over the exterior and hangy Buddhist-looking shit splurting from the interior. WHO is gonna get in that cab??? No wonder the vacant light was on the whole time. Move on please and start worshipping God.

Not to mention that I seem to be spotting black 3-series beamers with mad wheels everywhere I look – each time I almost crash from doing a double take cos I think Froggies come back…

The exhuastion of it all... *faints*

I watched August Rush with my mum last night. She blubbered all the way through the final scene and I had to sit with her til the end of the credits until she stopped. The movie wasn’t perfect, but the music was.

Claps for Keri Russell for being able to pull off the fake cello-playing so well, and OMG is Jonathon Rhys Meyers amazing or what…. *double swoons*

I must admit I cried as well in 2 parts – the bit where Meyers says “You never give up on your music” and the performance of the 1st Movement of the Elgar Cello Concerto at the end. I haven’t heard it for so long that I forgot how utterly breathtaking and exquisite this marvelous piece of work this is. Although I must admit that no one can play it as beautifully as Jacqueline Du Pre, I couldn’t find a version that didn’t focus so much on the orchestra and that wasn’t in B&W, so here is Yo-Yo Ma doing the same thing – almost as well – and I think he is actually using Jackie’s cello in this performance cos he had it on loan. It’s not complete, but you have any love for passionate music, please have a squiz at this:

Just an extra note – a song from August Rush “Raise It Up” is nominated for Best Original Song @ the Oscars tonight. The only other contenders are 3 kiddy songs from Enchanted and 1 from Once which I haven’t heard… so fingers crossed.

My chips are on Daniel Day-Lewis, Ruby Dee and the Coen brothers - any money mofos.

And if anyone else is getting anxiety attacks about choosing between the Oscars or DirtySexyMoney tonight – I totally know how you feel. It’s terrible isn’t it!

Finally, congrats to JLo for her baby boy & girl twins. Hope she didn’t have too much trouble pushing in that Cavalli dress. Why oh WHY do we not have a Roberto Cavalli boutique over here...? Stuff Jimmy Choo… lets get some Christian Laboutins – and OMG Brendan got Fion a pair for Valentines Day **hearts**… I don’t like him but good work Brendan.

WOW – Mads for Vanity Fair – she’s still got it:

And I don’t know why but I actually really like this cheesy “we’re the perfect married couple(s)” pic – its just a front but pulling it off takes more effort than you think. Note the strategic angle of the tilting of their heads and the subtle colour palate coordination:

NEWS: I am gonna have 4 + 4!!

Soooo excited but I cant give something this serious away on my blog. You’ll have to ring me if you really wanna know what that is. And dont even try to copy me - you'll never get there, you'll just look like a fool.

Ciao Bellas xxoo

Postscript: I have decided that I am gonna be a “Yes Girl” this week (until Friday). I’ll decide then what I’m gonna be next week. Froggie, don’t exploit me plz -this is merely a social experiment for the purposes of Gracie research. Thx.

Wigs for French Macaroooooons day

Silver Tinsel:

Platinum Marilyn:





Hot Acqua Tiffany & Co:

Lilac Mushroom:

Onyx Tinsel:

Hot Pink Britney:

Angela in Onyx Tinsel and Red Turban:

I got the Marilyn and Aqua wig and Angela got the red turban.

HOT huh

Jack's KingShiT Index

Omfg I was so tired just then, I went to the toilet to sleep for 10mins. Ludicrous! Everyone must’ve thought I was having sex or masturbating or sth cos I came out with my hair all messed up and a dead left leg.

I…am…overworked….

Anyway digression aside, to the purpose of this post:

According to Jack in his daily abuse/rant-email to me, there is a KingShit Index on choosing the right guy. No actually, it started from Warren. This is so hilarious I have to post it but I really hope no one gets offended cos its all good fun.

WZ: so atm, there is the *beep* man, *beep* man, and *beep* man..haha..and the Pole man, and the car crash man. dude..do u want to make some money, can i send u on dates with ppl and i ll charge them $1000 each. all u gotta do is reject them at the end of the night, by the end of the year we ll have $365,000 bucks which means u won t need any man then..hahaha . Look, the way you see it is like this, its all a process of elimination. So far, lets delete *beep*man..cause his just a total random..so all u have is *beep* and *beep* - then categorise them into categories, whichever one ends up with the most points….WINS

JH: So how do u categorise them? I’ve invented the “KingShiT index” so you can take that as a benchmark.

Here’s a starter:

Cock size Points

1-2in = 1
2-3in = 2
4-5in = 3
5-6in = 4
6-7in = 5
7-8in = 6
>8in = 5

Salary:

30-40k = 1
40-50k = 2
50-60k = 3
60-70k = 4
70-80k = 5
80-90k = 6
90-100k = 7
100-150k = 8
>150k = 9
>1mil = 20

Etc. u can start applying this to all aspects of a man like basketball, tennis, arm span, height, muscle mass, bicep width and whatever.

Very informative dickheads, but how about things that matter such as loving me, being nice to my family, generosity, respect towards my integrity, inverse level of selfishness, knowing when to act dumb, level of tolerance towards my crap, level of maturity, level of perseverance, ability to control temper, timeliness of attention/affection, ability to predict/prevent conflict, willingness to sacrifice, reliability and spontaneity sans volatiliy, worldliness and intelligence, adeptness in getting my friends to like him, competence and resourcefulness, proficiency in understanding subtle nuances, command in spoken Chinese, likelihood of cheating, likelihood of being excellent @ covering up his cheating so that I would never know (if it absolutely has to happen)…. and whatever.

Plus I wouldn't even know how to measure cock size in inches...

Talking about big, check out XXtina's ridiculously humungous BOOBS. Like OMG does childbirth do this to you?? Cos if so, get me knocked up now!






Very lovely. Too bad she only got $1.5m for these pics - as opposed to Angelina who got $4m for Shiloh and JLo who will get $6.5m for her twins...

Its a tough life for little XXtina with the big knockers...

Finally, can I just say that its sad that Pink and hubby Carey the motorcross racer (niiiice) have split up. Not that I ever understood what he saw in her...

She's a bit rank, yes? I remember hearing her being interviewed on a radio segment once and shes was protesting against KFC mistreating their chickens and I was like --- what?? They FRY those chickens after they mistreat them and we EAT them. WHO CARES.

Yuuuum. KFC.....